The Relationship Therapist: Lori Gottlieb on Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett

You know, life today can be pretty damn isolating. Whether you've relocated away from your tight-knit crew, you're stuck working from your shoebox apartment, or you're knee-deep in the wild world of online dating—loneliness is universal.

Are you making it harder than it needs to be? Psychotherapist and best-selling author Lori Gottlieb recently sat down with Steven Bartlett on Diary of a CEO to discuss what we need to do.

From Apps to Unrealistic Expectations

Despite having many superficial connections through social media, studies show a trend where people have fewer close connections, fewer people to confide in. The need for genuine connections is the highest it has ever been.

This shift is especially noticeable in dating among younger generations. Lori sees a problem where we're expecting our romantic partners to be the end-all-be-all of emotional support. Whereas in the past, various friends and community members would cater to different needs. No one human can replace a village, don’t set unrealistic expectations.

Build Your Own Foundation

To ensure a successful partnership, start with a solid foundation by knowing and bringing your true self. Know your baggage and be realistic about what you need and what a partner can provide. It is essential to consider not only your needs but also those of your partner and the needs of the relationship itself.

Identify Key Qualities in a Good Partner

Superficial attributes of a potential partner, like hobbies, income, and appearance, are not as important as fundamental character qualities like emotional stability, loyalty, reliability, and supportiveness. Lori notes that learning another person’s key qualities takes time, which takes us to our next tip.

Cut Your First Dates Some Slack

We're all guilty of nitpicking on first dates. Someone spills water, tells a corny joke, or does a cringe-worthy Austin Powers impression. We get it. Lori's advice? Cut them some slack. Nervousness can be mistaken for weird behavior. So, before you write someone off, give them a chance to show their true colors when the nerves settle.

Studies have shown that people in successful long-lasting relationships have a much more positive view of their first date than they did at the time of the first date. Thus, a first date is not about finding a perfect match immediately.

Spotting Trouble Early and Speaking Up

Lori urges you to spot them early, especially if they're waving around issues tied to essential character qualities. Don't tiptoe around problems; address them head-on. Early discussions allow for adjustments before bad habits set in like cement. It's all about establishing flexibility and relationship goals too early to allow it to grow over time.

It is time to kick loneliness to the curb, set some realistic expectations, and build connections that stand the test of time. Happy dating, folks!

For more advice, check out Lori’s best selling book Maybe You Should Talk to Someone (Amazon) and her new weekly companion journal that offers thought-provoking work sessions.

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